I’ve never understood Christian’s who have a problem with the private use of pornography. Men (most men) view pornography at various times in their life and for various reasons. Christians, when busted by their wives, claim pornography as an addiction, which I think is complete BS in most case. The facts are simple, most men like porn. Yet Christians make it a major thought crime akin to spousal infidelity. Take self-appointed porn shame queen Nicole Wick. She caught her husband using porn and felt less of a woman for it.
Only a few months had passed before I found adult websites on his computer history. That was when I realized that this was actually a problem. That was the point when he admitted that he had an addiction to pornography and confessed that he had been using it regularly for years. That was also the point when my illusion that this is something "natural" that all men do was shattered. He and I yelled, cried, made promises to get help, and started to move though the initial stages of the recovery process.
Nicole writes a blog about porn at xxxchurch.com. There is no news about if her husband put a bullet in his head. The shame of his outing must have emasculated him.
It’s interesting to note that Nicole found out about her husband’s “addiction” by snooping. In other words, she suspected his porn use. I have 4 computers, two are mine and my wife and son each have one of their own. In my entire marriage (which pre-dates personal computers) I have never once thought to violate my wife's privacy. I don’t check on her browsing history, read her email, or act in any way that would violate her personal space. The same goes for both of my sons. In turn, my wife would never snoop on me. Doing so by either of us would be a huge breach of trust. Trust and privacy are key concepts in a healthy marriage. Nicole snooped – where is the trust and privacy? Where is the healthy marriage? It does not exist because of an ill conceived concept that what goes on in the privacy of your mind is the business of a nosy spouse. What goes on? You don’t really want to know, so why ask?
My wife asked me recently If I view porn. I had to tell her I’d met the lady who founded Suicide Girls (NSFW) and that I’ve subsequently been invited to several related events through others who are part of the scene. I don’t partake, but could if I were inclined. Admitting that was a bit awkward, and she would have known if she had read my email or checked up on me, but she did not. And, I was not afraid to tell her. It’s called a healthy relationship.
Nicole’s guilt over her husband’s thought crime is misplaced. She has a victim’s mentality, and is exploiting it for attention under the banner of helping others. She’s a queen in the Christian shame game because of her husband’s thought crimes. I simply cannot relate. What does it matter if he likes porn? The sin is between him and his imaginary creator and what he does in his own mind on his own time does not hurt you.
I looked in the bible to see what Jesus would say about porn addiction – he talks about love, feeding the hungry and clothing the poor – but nothing about porn. I guess it’s easier to write about your inner pain and shame.
Nicole also writes at NicoleWick.com. She’s an interesting read. I found a lot of good material here. She’s not your typical fundie and therefore I cannot find a good reason to dislike her. She seems like a decent, caring and thoughtful person. And some of her positions are downright revolutionary. So lets just say we disagree on pornography.
I like Bill Hicks answer to the question – pornography is the enemy because Christians need an enemy.