I have made a policy to be as honest as possible on my blog. So I’m going to tell this next story even though I would rather forget it.
Last week I drove across LA during my lunch hour without stopping to eat. When I arrive near my home, I stopped for a quick lunch at Chick-fil-A. I ordered chicken strips and a diet coke. I bought two boxes of four strips each. It was 3:30 pm. I was hungry.
I pulled to a stop at a traffic light in the left turn lane. Ahead of me was a woman in a car with several Christian bumper stickers. You know what I mean, a car with three or four stickers telling people to read the bible, and go to church. I watched as a homeless man showed a cardboard to the lady. She shooed him away and rolled up her window. I did not think it odd, in fact I thought it prudent. The man was large and scary looking.
I did not make it through the intersection when the light changed. As I pulled to a stop to wait for another three minutes, I reached for a chicken strip, dipped it in sauce, and made the Team Fortress Om Nom Nom Nom sound as I munched on it. I looked up to see the homeless man standing on the road divider next to me. His sign read, “I need help”. He asked for money, well… spare change actually. I shook my head no. I had no money to give.
I had food, but my thoughts ran to my own empty stomach, so I did not offer it. And this is where I failed. I should have offered him my lunch. I can always get something else. I have the means. But I have this thing with food, I think it explains one of the reasons why I’m fat. I simply do not like to pass up a meal. I continued to munch on my lunch. The homeless man would go hungry. I would eat.
The homeless man spoke to me again, “Please, is there anything you can do? I’m starving”. I was conscious of the fact that I was stuffing a chicken strip in my mouth as he asked. The guilt hit me like a physical force. I Immediately offered my lunch. He jumped off the divider and ran to my window. I handed him what was left of my lunch. He actually said, “Are you sure? This is your lunch.” I told him that I could get more. He smiled, bumped my fist, and ran across the street with my delicious lunch held to his chest. As I turned the corner, I saw him noshing away in the shade of a sign. In my mind I heard, Om nom nom nom. He waved in thanks as I drove away.
If I am to be consistent with the application of my values, I must be able to give freely, even if it means skipping a meal. I was ashamed of myself for a number of things that happened in my brief encounter with the homeless. I’ll do better next time.
A special thanks to Kat, who prompted me to tell my story through telling me a story of her own. Kat, thanks for the kind words and thanks for sharing your story with me. Kat has the blogs My Single Mom Life and Kat Scan on the Atheist Blogroll.
Logging you in...
Procrustes 57p · 837 weeks ago
So many tangents one can go on after such a tale. Like, what was your fundamental motivation - what caused the guilt? Or, did you, in some twisted way, perpetuate that man's suffering? What are our obligations, our duties to our fellow humans, and from where do we derive these motivations? However, despite all the depth that can be explored here, sometimes it's nice just to accept a good deed for what it is.
Mojoey 107p · 837 weeks ago
mskat 14p · 837 weeks ago
Procrustes,
I don't think our obligation is to help every single person every single time, but if faced with a certain situation like the one that faced Joe, and you have the means to help, like Joe did, then we should help.
I'm not quite sure why Joe feels guilty, he did a good thing IMO, he shared what he had with someone who had nothing and had resorted to begging.
I think a lot of people, most people, avoid helping the homeless because when they ask for spare change, we have this stereotyped idea in our heads that all homeless men are alcoholics and drug addicts, and so if we give them money, we are contributing to their substance abuse.
But not all homeless people are alcoholics and drug addicts, so sometimes, we must simply give our spare change and hope that they use it for the food they say they need.
What is my motivation for helping my fellow man?
Well, I try to do the things for my fellow men that I would want done for me.
I'm far from perfect though, the story I shared with Joe was written around 3am, and I re-read it this afternoon, and found myself saying to myself, "Kat, what is wrong with you that you feel you have the right to ask a behavior from anyone else? What gives you the right to say that what my believing friends do in a time of crisis or need, is wrong, and by whose standards is it wrong?"
It's my standards that says their behavior is wrong.
To them, praying for me is what they feel is the absolute best thing to do.
To me, doing, action, is the best thing to do, but I can't ask or make others do what I think is best.
This is where I fail.
I fail because I want and try to make others behave the same way that I do, because I believe that treating each other the way we want to be treated is the best way for humans to live.
Not everyone believes in the golden rule.
I need to remember that.
Volly 49p · 837 weeks ago
You done good. Don't sweat the rest.
I've had the experience of not only offering, but preparing, a fresh meal for a homeless person (when I owned a restaurant), only to have him turn his nose up at the type of food and ask if I didn't have "something else." Did it annoy me? More than I care to expand on here.
Then, on the other end of the spectrum, you have the all-too-common sadist who will abuse a homeless person for sport.
Good comes when someone has a genuine need and meets up with someone who has the ability to meet that need. That's what happened in your case and it really can't be improved on.
Next episode may turn out differently for you, and that's something you should be prepared for. It doesn't run on a script.
Have a good week!
/v
Mike aka MonolithTMA 58p · 837 weeks ago
Thank you for your honesty.
Jack 119p · 837 weeks ago
I am happy that the homeless guy actually accepted the food. I was once in a similar situation where I had just bought a mean on the street and was approached by a homeless man. He asked for spare change. I gave him the meal which I had just bought and not yet touched. He angrily threw it on the ground and repeated his request for money. Needless to say, I unleashed a beam of focused atheistic evil in his direction and grabbed the nearest baby to eat.
Mojoey 107p · 837 weeks ago
I've had bad experiences with the homeless too. It does not stop me from offering to help.
HereticChick · 837 weeks ago
Mojoey 107p · 837 weeks ago
mskat 14p · 837 weeks ago
Exactly.
That was like the whole point of my email to you.
Doing is far better than praying.
Jack 119p · 837 weeks ago