Sunday, February 22, 2009

Blogroll Update: Cure Faith

We have a new member. Cure Faith is a new blog. I like new blogs, they sometimes give a small measure of hope. Please join me in welcoming our newest member.

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Welcome. We wish you well in your efforts to cure faith. ;)
Thanks for adding me to the blogroll Mojoey, and for the welcome Jack. To modify a christian mantra, If it even saves just one soul from a life of ignorance and irrational thought it will have been worth it. I'm getting way ahead of myself there though!
I am a 13 year old Christian boy. This seems like a good spot to share my deepest religious experience. This sounds crazy but, I met God. He looks just like Jesus but older, but probably not really, he was probably just using that image to communicate with me. I understand that no one can actually see God, because if they do, their brains will blow up. It happened one night when I was dreaming. But it wasn't just a dream. I heard this angel singing the songs of heaven. She kinda sounded like M.I.A....older stuff though, she got kind of mumbly on the new album. So anyway, M.I.A. was singing to me and I realized that the sound was coming from outside of the window, and then it wasn't M.I.A. It was God, on a unicorn. He offered me doritos but I said no cuz I had already snuck some ice cream in before I went to bed. He seemed a little offended by this. Naturally, I asked him why he was singing at my window, and he told me something I'll never forget, not even if I had a terrible accident and went brain dead. He told me to close my eyes, and he would show me ultimate truth beyond human understanding. I did. I felt him coming closer to me while I was leaning out of my window. Did I mention I lived in a high rise at the time, this dude was just floating around on a unicorn! So anyway, he leaned over to me and began whispering in my ear and he told me something that could change EVERYTHING. Just as he started talking about the big band theory of swing music in the 1940's, my cat jumped up on the windowsill and god jumped back a little. I asked him what was wrong, and he said that he's allergic and besides cats steal peoples souls. So I threw the cat out the window and he said good job. So he went on, he was kind of confusing because I asked a question about music to keep the conversation going but he totally forgot that we were even talking about that. I guess if you know everything, it could be hard to keep track. Kind of like my aunt rosie. She was really smart until her husband left her for a 14 year old filipino boy he met on the internet. Now she takes pills to stop her from being dramatic. Oh GOD I'm ranting so much here. Oh GEEZ I mean. So I'll get back to the point now. God told me that there have been many sons of his since Jesus on this planet, but he's disappointed with the lock-down of PR behind the bible. Then he went on about how hindu is for jerks and jewish people really are inherently money hungry, but that they also have a better chance of getting into heaven because they can't help it and they have pennis ceremonies which he really appreciates. So anyway, I asked him all the usual questions...Am I going to heaven, he said he'll think about it. I asked him if it was a sin that I, you know, would do things to myself under the blanket type stuff, and he said no, and that if I did it regularly, I wouldn't get nut cancer. I asked him when the world would end, and he said tuesday, but he wouldn't tell me which one. My aunt liz is a vegetarian so I asked him if it was bad to eat meat cuz she's always making me eat garbonzo beans when I sleep over there and they usually make me throw up. One time I snuck in a pack of balogny in my sleep over shorts because I was so puked starved after the carrot casarole I had to eat. But believe it or not, he said killing any of his creatures is a sin and eating them is too, unless it's after a lamb sacrifice which he says "I know it's not really the in thing to do anymore, but I'm still into it it, big time" then he gave a thumbs up. In short, he said that tailspin was his favorite cartoon, video games are ok if they're made in america, and that he's sorry that wine turns your poop green.

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