Bacons

I recently ate breakfast at a restaurant while on business travel. It was all but  empty with only two other small parties and the staff. The waiter took my order in Spanish. I tried to order eggs and bacon in kind, but forgot the word for bacon. I stumbled over el to… and just could not put it together. My waiter offered "bacons" in English. I said, "Bacon." And then things took a silly turn.

He said, "You only want one bacon?"

I said, "No, I want a side of bacon."

He said, "Oh, you mean a side of bacons."

I said, "No. I want a side of bacon. You know, four pieces."

He looked at me like I was crazy and then just stood there. 

I tried to explain that bacon is both a single and plural in english, but he did not understand me. I was about to give up when one of the two parties eating in the restaurant said, "We ordered a side of bacons and we got four pieces!, is that what you want?"

I said, "Si, cuatro tocino por favor."