My dad died on Saturday at 8:20 am. His family attended his passing. He took his last breath while a loving nurse named Mary held his hand, kissed his forehead, and told him that everything would be ok. 
My mother, exhausted after a week long vigil, held his hand while she slept. We woke her as he died.
I felt a sense of relief in his death that I had not anticipated, and guilt too. Why was I relived? I struggled with the question for the next hour. My emotions got the better of me. I could not talk. I could barely make eye contact with those around me. I grieved while struggling with my demons, but it felt good. It felt right.
My dad had actually died about two day before. At least his mind had died as his body dealt with the business of shutting down. We watched every minute of it. I’m happy we were there for him. I’m happy he did not die alone. But I have to wonder, what is the point of a lingering death? Why is it impermissible to help people die once they’ve reached the point of no return? Why is euthanasia considered unethical and against the law?
There was a point when the doctors said the end was near. They actually told us the process of dying had started. They gave us a paper that told us what to expect. The stages of death are predicable. And once they start, you know it. Having experienced the process, I think there is a point where giving an overdose of 
morphine is the humane thing to do. It’s against the law, but it’s against the law at least partially for religious reasons. I don’t think that’s right. I think I’ve found another cause to fight for.
And Mary – you have my gratitude and thanks. I stand in awe of your love and kindness. The world is a better place for your selfless acts of love.
Logging you in...
tonjia · 773 weeks ago
Mojoey 107p · 773 weeks ago
Uruk · 773 weeks ago
I lost my dad years ago to lung cancer. No matter how much I wanted him to hang on, there came a point where you knew he was simply too tired to go on. He seemed like he was swimming in a ocean with no shore.
He was on oxygen and he kept wanting to take off his mask. No one would let him. But as soon as everyone turned their attention to the doctor talking in the door way, he removed his mask and breathed his last. It was time and we were too selfish to see it.
I think you did what was right.
Anyhow, thanks for sharing with us. And for the blogroll that you promote that has brought our non-religious community together.
I hope the day will quickly come where you think on your dad and feel no sadness that he died-- but rather gladness that he lived.
helensotiriadis 29p · 773 weeks ago
CamelsWithHammers · 773 weeks ago
All my best.
The Vicar · 773 weeks ago
A few years ago, my mother's aunt was dying very slowly. She had been living independently in a large condo building (with visits from various medical folks) for years, gradually becoming more and more closed in as she grew more feeble, although she was still capable of going out in a wheelchair and enjoying warm weather, and she said she wanted to avoid a nursing home at all costs so we didn't even ask about it.
Then one morning she tripped over the threshold in the doorway to her bathroom, fell and broke her hip, had to have emergency surgery, recovered consciousness for only a few minutes (fortunately we made it to the hospital by that time), and then went into a coma. She spent two weeks in that coma, on life support, while the doctors refused to make any pronouncement about her long-term prognosis. (We repeatedly asked them: "can you give us the approximately likelihood that she will ever wake up again?" They refused; an ex-nurse I spoke to later said it was because the answer was "It's not going to happen. Patients who spend more than a day with breathing machines basically never recover, and she's in a long-term coma to boot." Doctors don't want to precipitate a decision to take someone off of life support, even if they don't have to make the decision themselves. So they'll withhold information instead. Jerks.)
In the end, the hospital asked my mother whether my great-aunt should be taken off of life support; she had been in the emergency care area for two weeks, and she needed to be moved somewhere else, and the destination was different depending on whether she was going to continue to be on life support.
As the closest relation, the only thing which made it even possible for my mother to be able to make that decision was that my great aunt had had the foresight to make a living will, with very strong "do not resuscitate" language. Although it may seem callous to say this -- we were all very fond of my great-aunt, and I don't want to belittle her in the slightest -- giving us that clear instruction, with legal leverage to back it up, was one of the most considerate things she did for us during my lifetime. It allowed my mother to make a firm decision, being certain that she was doing what her aunt really wanted, and not have to feel unending crushing guilt afterwards.
mikespeir 65p · 773 weeks ago
nullifidian 64p · 773 weeks ago
Take care.
Jack 119p · 773 weeks ago
I appreciate your willingness to share what you have been going through. Death and the process of dying are so damn mysterious in our culture because of the taboo surrounding them. I've always found this unfortunate. These are subjects we should be talking about far more than we do.
I join you in your puzzlement around the legal ban on euthanasia for religious reasons. It does seem cruel, and it probably is one more thing to add to our massive list of goals to work toward.
As others have said, take care of yourself and consider us friends willing to help in any way we can.
Mike aka MonolithTMA 58p · 773 weeks ago
The Reader · 773 weeks ago
As for the euthenasia bit, I'll join you on that crusade, whole heartedly. I have never understood how or why the same thing that is considered a kindness and "the only humane thing to do" for our animals is considered heartless and illegal to do for our human loved ones.
stuffed 77p · 773 weeks ago
I am definitely for euthanasia, too often we make choices from a business or religious even masquerade them as human choices, but we rarely ever make truly human oriented decisions. Why should one not be allowed to choose their own fate. How can a government implement controlling strategies charges against euthanasia, suicide, sex et cetera. Let us make our own choices, and deal with the consequences is there no greater kindness.
Hugs.
Jessica Anderson · 773 weeks ago
I don't comment but I do appreciate your posts.
gargoylesphotos -40p · 773 weeks ago
Peter B · 773 weeks ago
Finally his body caught up with his failing mind. We knew he was ready to go. Finally 5 ml/hr morphine got him half way comfortable. He slipped peacefully away.
Shock? Not really. He was ready to go. His other children and I along with his grandchildren and great grandchildren said goodbye in their own various ways. We remember the good times and cry a little because he is no longer with us.
Buffy 83p · 773 weeks ago
You felt relief and yet you felt guilty. I imagine (and correct me if I'm wrong) that you felt relief because your father's suffering was finally over. There's nothing wrong with that. It's terrible to see someone you love suffer and be able to do little or nothing about it. You shouldn't feel the least bit guilty for being relieved that his pain is over.
I'm with you 100% that euthanasia should be legal, with appropriate gatekeeping measures in place of course. Nobody should have to spend weeks, months or even years wasting away in agony just because of some crackpot ideas that ending it purposely is "against god". Living in a persistent vegetative state hooked up to machines and unaware of reality is no life either.
Take care.
john_poson26 93p · 772 weeks ago
John