I read the Halloween warning published by the ever so helpful Pat Roberson. Being an atheist and all, I found it hard to believe that demons and witches were involved in the production of my Halloween candy. But if Pat Roberson makes a claim, no matter how outlandish and unfounded, it must be true, because he is a Christian and would never ever lie, at least that what my mom tells me. He would never just pull something out of his ass, right? I mean, he must have some kind of poof for his outrageous claims, right?
"During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches."
I was concerned enough to go check on my candy stash. We have a family of Wiccan’s living across the street. They are all fat too. Perhaps they like candy? Perhaps they like my candy? The pressure was too much. I had to make sure my candy was safe.
I opened the refrigerator and found surprise. A demon working his magic on my Kit Kats. I managed to take a quick picture. It’s blurry, but you can tell that little green guy is a demon, right? The funny thing is, after I wrestled the candy from his grubby little claws. I felt compelled to eat it. Man… demon candy is the best! The kids are going to love it.