7/11 started good – but quickly went downhill. My grandmother passed away this morning after a long down hill slide into poor health and pain. I got the news by cell phone at work. it was delivered bluntly and without feeling. I had prepared for her death, so the initial shock was muted. I traveled to my sister’s house, where my Grandmother had passed way, to help console my family. It was a good experience, a positive experience, even seeing her in death was a good experience. She died surrounded by the love of her family. I felt good when I left. Of course, I needed a good long nap at home this afternoon before I became human again; it seems that the stress snuck up on me during the day.
I am currently sitting through a thrilling lecture on international money markets at B-school tonight in Irvine. The lecture is fading in and out on me. I need to pay attention, but cannot seem to focus. Even with the lecture, I think of my Grandmother’s death. I feel strangely at peace with her death. I have no regrets; I don’t feel a since of loss, in fact I feel very little. Her death feels natural, her death feels right. My Grandmother was quite old; she lived with constant pain, and suffered from problems related to Parkinson's disease. All this ended today – it is actually a relief.
I spent a lot of time listening today. Listening is a healthy way to help others and myself process the reality of death. I also thanked a number of people who helped in the process of easing my grandmother into death. I cannot imagine what it means to be a care giver of that stature. My sister did it for years, her friend Jan helped over the years. Several others actually participated in her care on a daily basis. Thanks are just not enough. These people, some family, some friends, some strangers, did great things. They deserve more than just thanks – but in my current damaged state, this is all I have to offer.
Now to the business of death – that’s a whole different matter. I’m sure we have some dreary business ahead of us.
RIP - Ruth Stafford
My condoloences.
ReplyDeleteI myself have felt the same during a number of deaths in my family. However there are a few that are really painful.
In fact after my grandfather died, I had to be the strong one, and now my grandmother is in failing health and it seems like no one is willing to care for her. I have offered my help but she is a stubborn woman. I hope that she lives long enough for me to be able to come out there and help her when she really needs it.
I owe my wonderful sister Lisa a debt of gratitude. She and her husband Jim selflessly cared for my Grandmother despite a high toll on their family.
ReplyDeleteIt is a noble thing to care for a loved one in their time of need. I hope you get your wish and can take care of your grandmother.
Thanks for your condolences - they are very much appreciated.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. At least, she is no longer in pain. I only have one grandmother left, the only one that I know. She's still alive and kicking, traveling- I hope I'm like that when I hit her age. Take care.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother died today October 4, 2013. She had been sick and sad for several years. I ache inside though thinking that I cannot hug or kiss or talk to her again in this world. She treated me like a son more than a grandson. Her son died the day he was born; I think she saw some of him in me. I wish I could cry. The tears seem stuck.
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